TIME, TIME, OLD BUDDY

 

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day...

Waiting for someone or something to show you the way

(Pink Floyd, "Time")

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock... Have you done anything useful or pleasant in the last few seconds? Since this morning? Last year? Or, looking back, have you wasted precious, unretriavable time?

Time—it's the one thing we all share, yet it often feels elusive. Each tick of the clock reminds us that time waits for no one. How you spend your time reveals not just how you manage the moments you have, but how you navigate life itself. This precious and ever-passing possession we all own but can be used in countless ways.

Time, as a fundamental dimension of our existence, has been a source of perplexity and concern for humankind. It is both a mystery and a certainty. Because our understanding of time shapes our perception of life and our place in the universe, time encompasses existential issues even if we are not fully aware of its influence at first.

In fact, most of life's anguishes, regrets, and concerns are closely tied to time, whether or not its central role is evident when we are facing difficulties. We often feel guilty, sad, or resentful for not accomplishing something, for not dealing with people better when we had the chance, or for not acting in time to prevent some negative consequence. There are moments we regret not having enough time to enjoy or learn something, or to be with someone, leading to feelings of frustration. We may also worry about not having enough time to prepare for upcoming challenges or to handle challenges that might persist longer than we can manage. Time influences most aspects of life, whether we are conscious of it or not. For many of us, the passage of time, or the lack thereof, is often at the root of our problems.

Therefore, time is the real yet intangible essence of life. How we spend it—or waste it—reflects how well we live our lives and how successful we are in designing and building the future we want for ourselves and the world around us. Time shapes our routines, our goals, and our interactions. It serves as a reference for when and how we answer the call of our deepest desires. It also encompasses the tasks we ought to do and the lessons we should learn from everyday life. We often mourn lost moments, times when we should have acted but weren’t ready, and significant opportunities missed.

Time's passage brings with it an acute consciousness of our own mortality. This awareness can lead to existential anxiety, as we grapple with the finite nature of our lives. Existentialist philosophers like Jean-Paul Sartre and Albert Camus have emphasized the significance of time in the search for meaning. In a universe indifferent to human existence, the passage of time compels individuals to create their own meaning and values. This act of creation is both a burden and a freedom, as it places the responsibility for a meaningful life squarely on our shoulders.

The fleeting nature of time urges us to seek meaning and purpose also in our actions and relationships, driving much of human endeavor and creativity. Our identities are closely tied to our memories, which are intrinsically linked to the passage of time. As we accumulate experiences, our past informs our present selves, shaping our beliefs, values, and behaviors. However, the fallibility of memory also raises questions about the reliability of our personal narratives and the fluidity of our identities over time.

Many of us feel overwhelmed by the demands of daily life, constantly chasing after time, never feeling like we have enough. This relentless chase increases anxiety, creating a paradox where our efforts to manage time end up hindering us from living life to its fullest.

Understanding how we use time to our advantage can lead to meaningful self-reflection and personal growth. How we manage and perceive time can profoundly influence our well-being and overall happiness. That’s why today, I want to explore how psychotherapy can help us navigate the passage of time, allowing us to lead richer, more fulfilling lives.

I used to listen to "Time" by Pink FLoyd when I was (much) younger. Actually, I still do a little bit these days. From my perspective, they are so correct in saying that before you know it, you “find ten years have got behind you.” Believe me, my friend, life passes by rapidly. When that happens, you might wish you could go back and live those years again, but in a better, perhaps wiser way. You also realize that “no one told you when to run,” meaning there was no one to guide you on what you should do at the moment, or in the moment to come. No one taught you how to spend time in a way you wouldn’t regret later.

People often oscillate between regret for the past and anticipation for the future. This dynamic relationship with time can lead to feelings of nostalgia, remorse, hope, and anxiety. Reflecting on past choices and their impacts can foster personal growth, while future-oriented thinking drives ambition and planning. Balancing these temporal perspectives is essential for emotional well-being.

That’s where psychotherapy comes in. It offers us a way to step back, reflect, and realign our relationship with time. At its core, psychotherapy is about understanding our motivations better, the unknown reasons for our choices, desires, and struggles. It provides a safe space to explore our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, gaining insights into how we experience all aspects of life: relationships, self-doubts, values, work, friendships, and more. Managing all these aspects requires time and learning how to balance it among the good things that collectively form the mosaic of life. Taking a closer look, most of our concerns depend on or are related to time.

Psychotherapy addresses underlying beliefs driving action patterns, such as perfectionism, helping develop healthier standards to free up time and reduce stress, and tackles procrastination by understanding its emotional and cognitive roots, reclaiming time for effective use. Therapy clarifies values and priorities, ensuring meaningful activities, setting boundaries, and focusing on purposeful commitments. It helps manage time better and face its passage, providing a space to process feelings about the past and future, and encourages embracing the present moment. Technological and social changes impact our perception of time, necessitating continual adaptation. One profound gift of therapy is fostering self-compassion, transforming our relationship with time, allowing us to treat ourselves kindly, rest, and celebrate successes, creating a nurturing and supportive life.

Therapy can help us identify what truly brings us joy and guide us in incorporating them into our daily routines. It teaches us the importance of balancing our present enjoyment with future necessities. By encouraging us to balance necessary tasks with living in the moment, therapy allows us to make more thoughtful choices about what to keep and what to let go. This helps us align our idealized wishes with the reality of the time we actually have. Ultimately, life requires us to connect with our own sense of balance.

As we are talking about time today, there’s still room for us to say a word or two about mindfulness. It is one powerful technique used in psychotherapy. Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present in the moment, without judgment. It helps us break free from the constant stream of thoughts about the past and the future, allowing us to savor the here and now. Through mindfulness, we can experience time more richly, noticing the beauty in everyday moments, feeling fully alive and cultivating a deeper sense of gratitude. Philosophical and spiritual traditions, such as Buddhism, also emphasize the importance of living in the present moment. The practice of mindfulness encourages individuals to fully experience the "now," reducing the suffering caused by dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. This focus on the present can lead to a deeper appreciation of life and a more profound sense of peace.

Finally, psychotherapy invites us to reflect on the legacy we wish to leave behind. It encourages us to consider how we want to be remembered and what contributions we want to make to the world. As time progresses, the desire to leave a lasting impact becomes significant. By aligning our daily actions with our long-term values and goals, we can create a life that feels purposeful and impactful. Whether it's through acts of kindness, creative pursuits, or meaningful work, we can make our time on this earth count.

In closing, time seems to be both a precious gift and a finite resource. In my experience, how we choose to spend it shapes the quality of our lives and the legacy we leave behind. Through psychotherapy, we can develop a healthier, more fulfilling relationship with time. We can learn to manage it wisely, savor it fully, and use it in ways that reflect our deepest values and aspirations.

***

There’s also this other song called About time (“Sobre o tempo”) by an old Brazilian indie pop band named Pato Fu. It says, "Time, time, old buddy, I know there's still a ways to go before you can run smoothly". Meaning it takes time for us to finally understand time, in both its preciousness and ephemerality.

Let us embrace each moment with plentiful attention and gratitude. Let us prioritize what truly matters and still find room for joy and rest and for being together with those who are important to us.

Let us treat ourselves with compassion and kindness, knowing that we are worthy of a life that feels balanced and meaningful.

And above all, let us remember that every moment is an opportunity to live fully and authentically.

Image source: the author